


Not With Haste

by SparksSeer



Series: Step By Step [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Feelings, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e01 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Reunion, Snuggling, Talking, reconnecting, very mild gwen bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9698588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparksSeer/pseuds/SparksSeer
Summary: When the team ends up having to avoid themselves for the night and Jack has nowhere to go, Ianto offers him his couch regardless of his own struggles to sort through his feelings about Jack's sudden return. Set immediately after the events of 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang'.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic for the Torchwood fandom. English isn't my native language and I don't have a beta. I hope you'll enjoy it :)

“So what do we do now?” Gwen asked, as they were standing in front of the SUV and Owen’s car. “We can hardly go back to work at the Hub, I’m guessing?”

“No, we gotta avoid ourselves ‘til we catch up with ourselves.” Jack explained. “Not really how I expected my first day back to go.” He grinned and shrugged.

Ianto didn’t say anything, he didn’t even look at Jack. This day not going as he expected was an understatement. Jack was back, along with a mad ex-boyfriend, and Ianto agreed to go on a date with Jack – his boss, his lover? Part time shag? – who had just left without a word and had been gone for almost three months. Saying it was unexpected was a very mild way of putting it.

He pushed his thoughts about Jack to the back of his mind. Now was definitely not the time or the place to sort his thoughts and feelings about Jack and his return. He needed peace and quiet for that.

When he looked at the faces of his teammates he noticed Gwen’s annoyed glare at Jack and Owen’s frustrated huff.

“Aw, come on. It’s just for a few hours. Go for a drink on Torchwood costs, go home, have fun, just make sure to avoid yourselves for the night, and then take tomorrow off.”

“That’s it? Avoid ourselves and go for a drink?!” Gwen exclaimed loudly.

Ianto suppressed a groan. Couldn’t Gwen just leave it for one night? He was too tired to deal with any sort of argument or power struggle. He glanced towards Jack, and noticed that he too seemed slightly annoyed by Gwen’s outburst.

“Yes. Owen, make sure to take proper care of your bullet wound, and Tosh and Gwen, make sure you’re really okay as well before you go on any drinking adventures.” He said with a wink.

“What about you, aren’t you coming with us, Jack?” Tosh asked.

“I have some things to take care of.” Jack answered and Ianto briefly wondered what Jack would have to do now that couldn’t wait until later. “I’ll see you all at work the day after tomorrow.”

In the end, it was Owen who nodded and moved first back towards his car. “Fine. We can go back to mine, I’ve got the medical equipment there. And god, I need more painkillers!”

“Ianto, you coming?” Tosh asked him, but he shook his head.

“I’m knackered, sorry, I’ll just go home.” He shrugged. He really couldn’t take their loud chatter tonight, analysing everything about Jack and his return and possibly interrogating him about his feelings and thoughts about Jack (again) when he didn’t even know what to think about it himself.

Tosh frowned and he saw her eyes flicker between him and Jack for a moment, before a barely noticeable smile formed on her lips.

“Alright, have a good night. Call if you need me.” She said to them and joined Gwen and Owen in Owen’s car. Gwen shot another glare at Jack, before they drove off. It was apparent how reluctant she was about leaving Jack, but Ianto was relieved to see her go for the night.

Ianto leaned back against the SUV with a sigh and closed his eyes. Too late he realized his mistake - he should have asked them to drop him off at his flat. Now he was alone with Jack, and he really wasn’t sure if was quite ready for whatever would happen now.

He’d walk home, he decided, once again trying to push any thoughts about Jack to the back of his mind for the moment. It wasn’t that far to his flat, he guessed, and he’d have time to think. He took another deep breath and opened his eyes again, only to find Jack watching him closely from a few feet away.

“Are you alright, Ianto? Hurt?” He asked with obvious worry in his voice.

“I’m fine, sir.” Ianto dropped his gaze.

“Didn’t we agree to drop the sir?”

“Sorry, Jack.”

“Wanna grab dinner and a drink?”

Ianto’s head snapped back up and he was immediately met by Jack’s piercing gaze. He took a breath. “I doubt that many restaurants are open at this time of the night, Jack, and I really don’t have the energy for this- ” He vaguely gestured between them. “-now.”

“Oh. Oh no, no I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no, it’s alright. I’m just tired. I’m not sure when the last time was I got more than few hours of sleep and it doesn’t help either that I haven’t slept at all for over thirty-six hours.” Ianto tried to explain and nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

“So you’re not dropping out on our date?” Jack grinned.

Ianto managed a small smile. “No.” At least that he knew for sure.

“Good. I’ll drive you home then.”

“Thanks.” It was better than walking anyway.

 

The drive was quiet, as if by some silent agreement neither of them tried to start a conversation. Jack still had a haunted look on his face, ever since John Hart mentioned this Gray. Ianto watched Jack as they drove through the city. He had changed. A bit of his façade slid away the moment he got into the car. He couldn’t really pin point what it was exactly, but he was certain it was there. And it wasn’t just because of whoever Gray was, it had already been there before John Hart had even entered the picture.

It had been in his voice when he brushed Owen’s question off about whether the Doctor was able to fix him. It was in his eyes, when he said that he had come back for them. It was the sincerity in his voice when he said that he wanted John gone, because he was a reminder of his past. _And goddammit, John had killed him – pushed him off that building by the sounds of it. And I wasn’t there when he came back to life_. It was the insecurity that lay in the statement that they had managed well without him.

Ianto knew that he should be angry with Jack, he wanted to be angry at him so badly – he had been for a good while during the last three months – but now he couldn’t help but worry about the other man.

His thoughts found an abrupt end when they stopped in front of Ianto’s building complex. They stayed seated for a few more moments in a somewhat uncomfortable silence. They’d need to talk eventually, and maybe now was the moment to do so, but Ianto was still conflicted.

“Thanks for driving me.” He eventually said quietly and unbuckled, fully intending to escape any conversation.

“Ianto… I’m sorry for leaving, leaving _you_ like that.”

He looked back up to Jack and nodded. He didn’t know what to say to that.

“I meant it, I came back for you.”

“But I didn’t know if you would come back. I understand why you left with the Doctor, but I didn’t know if you’d ever bother to come back, Jack.” _Or if I had any right to hope that you would._ He couldn’t stop the bitterness from showing in his voice. So much for the escape.

Regret flickered in Jack’s eyes. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Will you tell me where you went? What- what happened to you while you were gone? Eventually?” He asked hesitantly.

“Yes.”

Ianto looked at him in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah. I can’t promise you to tell you everything and I don’t know when… I’ll be able to talk about it.” Jack reached out and took Ianto’s hand in his. “But I promise, I’ll explain.”

“Thank you.” He meant it.

After a few moments of silence, Ianto squeezed Jack’s hands and moved to get out of the car.

“Good night. And sleep in. You really don’t need to come in tomorrow.”

Ianto smiled weakly and nodded. The door was already open, when he turned his head back to Jack. “Where will you go now, Jack?”

He shrugged. “I’m just gonna go… find a bar or a rooftop or something. The usual…”

Ianto briefly closed his eyes and considered his idea before he made a decision. “You could come up to mine for the night.” When a wide grin appeared on Jack’s face, Ianto quickly added, “You could crash on the couch.”

Jack’s grin softened a bit. “You sure?”

Ianto shrugged. “Yeah.” This way Jack would be close and he’d know that he won’t leave at least until the next morning.

“Alright. Thank you.”

Jack followed Ianto into the building and Ianto could feel his eyes on him the entire way up to his apartment on the second floor. As he nervously fumbled with his keys, Jack stepped up behind him.

“You don’t have to do this, Ianto. If it makes you … uncomfortable... I understand.”

Ianto opened the door and looked at Jack. “I wouldn’t have offered, if it wasn’t okay, Jack.” He went inside, followed by Jack and hung up Jack’s coat and his jacket.

“But?” Jack asked when they kicked off their shoes and went to the kitchen. Ianto leaned against the counter when Jack entered the room. When Ianto didn’t say anything, Jack sighed and leaned against the counter next to Ianto. “I’ll find somewhere else to go for the night or some weevils to hunt.”

“No, no. I want you to stay, it’s alright. But this _thing_ … I just can’t, not tonight, not so soon – not like this, Jack.” Ianto closed his eyes. “It’s just too much right now, you’ve been gone for almost three months, you just left me after you snogged me in front of everyone and you didn’t even call or leave a message and I don’t know if you just didn’t or if you couldn’t and then you’re just back along with your psycho ex-boyfriend, swoon right back in and then you ask me out on a date, when I’m supposed to be _so, so angry_ at you! It’s all a bit ridiculous really.” He took a deep breath and looked at the floor, trying to ignore Jack’s presence so close next to him. “And I missed you so much and I didn’t want to because I really started to think you would never come back, not to earth and definitely not to me, when there’s the whole universe out there for you, and I really didn’t want to say any of this, so I’ll just go and get you a blanket and a pillow…”

Ianto’s voice started to quaver a bit towards the end and he had to swallow. Jack hadn’t made a noise during his rambling and now that he didn’t have anything else to say and realized what he just said, all he wanted to do was make a quick escape, not wanting to give Jack the chance to say anything. Ianto pushed himself up from against the counter, turning away from the other man, when Jacks hand grabbed his and held him back.

“Ianto…” Jack whispered and Ianto made himself look at Jack’s face. With an unexpected movement Jack pulled Ianto close to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. Ianto stiffened momentarily and Jack’s arms around him tightened their grip. Slowly, he felt himself relax into Jack’s embrace and he wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist. His head rested on Jack’s shoulder and he breathed in the familiar smell, that he missed so much during the past few months. He closed his eyes to stop the tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks.

Neither of them moved for a long time and it was eventually Jack’s voice broke through the silence with whispered words. “I did come back for Torchwood, for the team, but most of all, I came back for you, Ianto Jones. Because it’s been a terrible and long year for me and only the thought of you kept me going when I died over and over again.” His voice was laced with pain. “And I missed you so much, I couldn’t wait to see you and hear your beautiful welsh vowels again.”

 

_______________

 

With a sharp intake of breath Ianto woke up and sat up straight in his bed. The images of his dream – no, nightmare – were still fresh in his memories. With a groan he rubbed his eyes, trying to chase the image away of Jack’s lifeless body lying in the morgue after Abbadon. After a few minutes he let himself fall back into his pillows and after another couple of minutes his breathing evened out again. He turned to his side to take a look at his alarm clock and groaned again, when he saw that he only got a few hours of sleep. He could still feel the exhaustion in his bones and muscles, but the thought of going back to sleep and possibly seeing the same images again was enough for Ianto to deciding against it.

A quick trip to the bathroom later he was sitting at his kitchen table with a glass of cold water in his hand as he played back the events of the past day. He couldn’t help but feeling a little embarrassed by his outburst of emotions in Jack’s presence. It hadn’t gone at all as Ianto had hoped it would – in the very unlikely case that Jack would return. He had been so determined to be angry at Jack, to keep his distance to him and his own feeling close to himself. Instead he had found himself relieved to see his boss, friend, lover? again, felt jealous when John Hart appeared, and ended up agreeing to go on a date with Jack. Ridiculous was the word he used to describe this to Jack just a few hours ago and it still fit perfectly.

Ianto registered the door to the kitchen opening and saw Jack, dressed only in his white t-shirt and his pants, entering the kitchen.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Ianto said, not moving from where he was sitting.

“Don’t worry, couldn’t sleep anyway.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Jack shrugged. “Why are you awake? I thought I wouldn’t see you up and about at least until noon.”

It was Ianto’s turn to shrug. “Nightmare.” He kept his voice even, hoping to not give away how much it still affected him.

Jack’s expression turned worried. “I thought they had become less…”

Ah, Lisa. Jack assumed it was about her, or possibly about the Beacons again. “They did.” Ianto looked down at his hands. “Started having bad dreams more often again since… during the last couple of months.” _Since you left._

“Ianto…”

Ianto interrupted Jack before he could go somewhere with that sentence. “Doesn’t matter anyway, I’m used to not getting much sleep, I’ll just call it an early night tonight, rift willing. Don’t worry about it.”

“But I do.”

“You shouldn’t, really.” Ianto said quietly. He heard Jack move and a moment later he felt a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to look up to Jack.

“That’s not your decision to make.”

Ianto let out a huff, but didn’t say anything. Jack held out a hand for him. “Come on, if we both can’t sleep we can at least watch some trash TV until it’s a reasonable hour to get up.”

Ianto glanced towards the window, where the sun just started to rise, and then back to Jack. Finally, he nodded and took Jack’s offered hand.

 

Soon the TV was turned on and they settled for some morning talk show. They sat close with their feet propped up on the coffee table, but not close enough to touch. Jack covered them both with the blanket Ianto had given him earlier and with a contented sigh he sank back into the cushions, one arm resting behind Ianto.

“You know, this feels like you might be up to something, Jack.” Ianto remarked as he leaned back as well.

“I’m always up for anything, Ianto. You should know it.” Jack flashed a grin in his direction.

“Jack.”

“I know. I won’t even try anything - not unless you want me to, of course.” Ianto rolled his eyes and Jack chuckled. “Seriously, stop thinking for a few hours and relax, try to sleep some more.”

“Yes, Mum.”

At that Jack laughed loudly and Ianto couldn’t help but smile as well, as he gave in and settled against Jack side, welcoming the feeling of Jack’s arm wrapping around his shoulder and pulling him closer. With the long missed, but so familiar closeness, Ianto felt himself finally calming down.

_______________

 

Jack smiled softly and shook his head in disbelief, rubbing his eyes with one hand. His other hand was slowly stroking the hair of the sleeping young man, who was curled up next him on the couch with his head resting in Jack’s lap. It hadn’t taken Ianto long to fall asleep, once he had relaxed into Jack’s embrace. Jack had turned down the volume of the TV and had wrapped the blanket tightly around the young man. He looked so young, his facial features relaxed at last for the first time since Jack had stormed back into his life not even twenty-four hours ago. Jack was glad that Ianto at least momentarily seemed to be comfortable in his presence again and he was so relieved to finally be able to hold Ianto, _his Ianto_ , in his arms again, _alive and breathing_.

“I’m so sorry, so sorry, for all the pain that I’ve caused you.” His voice broke and single tear ran down his cheek. “I can only hope you will forgive me some day.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd die for some feedback, as this is the first time I'm writing these characters.
> 
> I'm currently working on the second part of this series, which will be about their first date and will take off where I left here!


End file.
